Is it a male/female thing or just me?
Here is a simple scenario…I get into an argument with my sister. Since we fight pretty much the same, we of course sling ugly insults at each other for a few minutes. Each of us says what we need to on the topic and then we are done. Doors slam, phones get hung up with purpose, and that’s that. After a little while (a few hours, a day or so) we briefly talk about what it is we argued about. Now we have resolved whatever it was at the end of the actual fight but we do the whole “you were right…I shouldn’t have said…next time I will…” thing when things are calm. After that we are truly done.
With Keith it is a completely different story. We get into an argument. Usually something I start because Keith doesn’t have a confrontational bone in his body. We do not fight the same at all so I have to be very careful not to get too nasty because he won’t get nasty back and then we both feel bad. Eventually, with a lot of prodding on my part, we say what has to be said. Again, resolution at the end of the fight. We walk away or separate for our little cooling off period but he never gives me that final closure. At least he never initiates it. If/when I bring it up later it, more times than not, results in another argument over the same subject and the fact that he doesn’t seem to care. Stupid, I know. I sometimes watch myself when that happens and think Oh God! Shut up, you dumb nag! But I keep going like a starter gun has gone off and I can’t stop until I reach the finish line. The thing is I feel like I need that second part of the argument. Not the resolution because we have already reached that but the chance to hear the solution at a neutral moment for better processing. Am I the only one who does this? I don’t have a lot of friends that I see on a regular basis, as most of them live in another state, so save for the snide remarks I make to the cashier/pharmacy tech at Eckerd’s I don’t really argue with anyone else that I care about.
Maybe it is a family thing because my mom is like this too.
With Keith it is a completely different story. We get into an argument. Usually something I start because Keith doesn’t have a confrontational bone in his body. We do not fight the same at all so I have to be very careful not to get too nasty because he won’t get nasty back and then we both feel bad. Eventually, with a lot of prodding on my part, we say what has to be said. Again, resolution at the end of the fight. We walk away or separate for our little cooling off period but he never gives me that final closure. At least he never initiates it. If/when I bring it up later it, more times than not, results in another argument over the same subject and the fact that he doesn’t seem to care. Stupid, I know. I sometimes watch myself when that happens and think Oh God! Shut up, you dumb nag! But I keep going like a starter gun has gone off and I can’t stop until I reach the finish line. The thing is I feel like I need that second part of the argument. Not the resolution because we have already reached that but the chance to hear the solution at a neutral moment for better processing. Am I the only one who does this? I don’t have a lot of friends that I see on a regular basis, as most of them live in another state, so save for the snide remarks I make to the cashier/pharmacy tech at Eckerd’s I don’t really argue with anyone else that I care about.
Maybe it is a family thing because my mom is like this too.
posted by Deborah at
9:54 AM
3 Comments:
hello, I think I did this last night.
and I have the same wrap up. I am pretty sure we have talked about this before. sometimes the best wrap up to that is with your sister, or me. :)
By
nancy, At
11:45 AM
I think most times I jump to the solution while trying to avoid an argument, but then that usually turns into an argument. I think I just end up doing it backwards from the way you and Keith argure.
By
Angelique, At
8:08 PM
Am I really like this??????
By
Anonymous, At
3:15 PM
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