Phone conversation with my mother-in-law

I discovered something so amazing (actually two things) while having a conversation with my mother-in-law this morning. We were having our weekly conversation where we cram the goings on in our lives in a 15-minute phone call while she is on her way to work. These phone calls start off with, “I know you are busy so I won’t keep you,” and consist of how are the babies? Her. And (insert name of child here) did the funniest thing the other day. Me. In between we may talk about our upcoming schedules or plans that we may have made. The idea to get through these conversations is to answer the question you were asked and add in another question that has nothing to do with the original question. It is kind of the way my sister and I talk normally so I have no problem handling these conversations though sometimes I do have to close my eyes for five minutes after getting off the phone (I am not sure if that has to do with the course of the conversation or just who I am speaking with). The calls then end with the realization that we are going to need to place another phone call to each other at a better time to solidify plans or just to have a normal leisurely, give and take conversation that does not include an “On your marks, get set, GO!” mindset. Then we figure out the best time to talk, say our love yous and goodbyes and hang up. The insanity of these calls is not lost on me nor is the knowledge that I will be repeating roughly three-quarters of what I just said to her as well convincing her that she did indeed tell me the latest about a particular subject. However, we continue to have these conversations regularly.

Today I actually benefited greatly from one of our beat-the-clock conversations even though it was really no different. The topics were my dad who had surgery the beginning of this week and Keith’s upcoming weeklong training in CA at the end of August. While simultaneously discussing my dad’s amazing capacity to tolerate pain, whether Cecilia would like to see the Wiggles at the coliseum the day she is staying with them while I am at work and Keith is in CA, and how I got someone to cover my hours so I could have that Sunday off I made a comment that kind of embarrassed me and I tried to explain before she realized what I had said. The comment was, “Even though I am working until 11 I am so looking forward to coming home to an empty house that Saturday night.” I then tried to explain – quickly – that it was not that I was happy that Keith would be gone. Before I could get the explanation out my mother-in-law was readily agreeing with me stating that you had to be selfish with your time after you had kids. That is when it dawned on me – I am a selfish person. I also realized that I am not completely comfortable with that and tend to make excuses or feel guilty about it but I will deal with that another time. Right now I am just so excited because I have never in my life even considered the possibility of being selfish. I have always been the type of person who would stay on the phone for hours with a friend while she cried about breaking up with her boyfriend for the 40th time that week even though I had to get up early for work the next day. The person who kept all the phone ringers on high and my cell phone on my nightstand just in case. But ever since having kids I have stopped being that person. Granted the few friends that I have don’t really have boyfriends to break up with or late night drunken encounters with tuna fish cans and have to be rushed to the ER but still. Now only one phone in my house rings. My cell phone stays in the kitchen when I am sleeping and even sometimes when I am awake and forget it when I leave the house. And when I have that very rare free time (husband and kid free) I usually take advantage of it by curling up on the couch with a glass of wine and a book. I may even turn the phone off. I have learned the splendor of saying no and it is just not a good time. It took having kids – little people to whom I devout much of my time and energy – to truly understand the beauty of being selfish with my time. It may not be much to some but for me I find it indulgently wonderful!