Being the Ugly Duckling

Apparently, I am having a pity party kind of day and I now feel the need to share my inadequacies. My whole life, I have been the Ugly Duckling. I mean it seriously. You know how in every group of beautiful people there is always that one that is not as attractive, maybe heavier, less intelligent, just an all around not quite fitting in type of person. The type of person that always takes people by surprise when she is seen with the beautiful people and they realize that she is actually part of the group. Well that has always been me. I don’t say this because I feel sorry for myself. Honestly, there is a sort of comfort in being the Ugly Duckling. Like a lack of expectation from other people. Or maybe the comfort comes from just always being that person. However, there are times that it gets to me. Tonight is the perfect example. My sister-in-law – beautiful, young, perfect hair, perfect body, wears a little too much makeup but it doesn’t bother anyone else but me, always dressed in the latest fashions but not in a weird trendy kind of way – came to visit tonight at my in-law’s house. She is a bit of a princess but overall she is great and I love her with all my heart. Anyway…I mention that I have started a running program. Believe me I use the term running loosely because my endurance is crap and at this moment in time I can barely speed walk. But those of you who know me know that I have always wanted to run but have never been able to and given recent developments over the last couple of years it is now possible for me to do it. Now my sister-in-law was a high school cheerleader, runs for fun, and did I mention the perfect body? She tells me how great she thinks it is and then tells me that she is going to be running a mini-marathon. Normally this wouldn’t bother me but I am having a pity party day. I smiled and made the appropriate encouragement phrases but the whole time I was thinking, “Again! How the hell does this keep happening to me??” My dream is that one day I will do something that no one can one up, I will be the swan, and for that short moment I will revel in being one of the beautiful people, just once. And the world will spin off its axis for a split second. Then I will go back to being the Ugly Duckling and the world will right itself again. I would probably hate it even for a second. Then again, who knows? It might be kind of cool.