C & S Mommy

Monday, May 29, 2006


Graduation day.


Well this is a little confusing...

I haven't been able to write because I haven't been able to focus long enough to express exactly what I am thinking. I start to type but my brain is in such a jumble that it comes out as these random thoughts that make absolutely no sense. So I have all these things happening and no real outlet because my mind is a mess. Which is strange since that usually happens when I am inundated with less positive things and that is not really the case. Anyway...here is a quick update so I can feel a little connected with the few people who may happen to read this:

  • Cecilia graduated from preschool last week. It is so very exciting and scary. I felt okay with having a kid in preschool but now I have a "school-aged" child which is a little freaky to me. Stupid, I know.
  • I am really liking my job in the ER. It is busy and I have lots of use. It is also pretty rewarding. It seems like almost everyone has an appreciation for the role I play throughout my shift and at least one person thanks me at least one time during my shift. But that is also a mixed bag because being where I am and doing what I do just makes me want to do more. Be better. Kick myself in the ass for putting off going back to school. So as much as I like my job I also kind of hate it because I want...well...more.
  • Building on the previous point I still haven't the faintest idea what I should go back to school for. I have considered taking a few classes and just seeing where they lead. But then I think I don't have the time or the finances to really do that. And despite knowing that I would benefit just from getting back into it, I thirst for an actual path - a set goal - knowing what the prize will be at the end.
  • I haven't been able to run too often but I have definitely gotten better. I am running/walking a total of three miles - two of which are running in half mile increments. It is pretty exciting because I feel better with the running (a little more natural). I think part of why it is easier is because I have lost some weight so I am hauling a slightly less fat ass around the track. But of course, once again, it is bitter sweet because now I feel like I am not losing fast enough or running well enough. I truly am my own worst enemy.

I have more going through my head but nothing I am willing to write about yet.