Eat the crap they shovel with a grin

So I have been back to work for two weeks now which is why I have been so slack about writing. I forgot how exhausting working with other people is. I don't remember it ever being this tough though. Maybe I am just out of practice. But for eight hours a day I have to be nice and at least slightly upbeat. If I am caught just sitting and being quiet (which apparently I have done often in the last five years of working from home though no one who knows me would believe it and I honestly didn't realize it) I have to answer the "are you okay" questions. When I worked before I had Cecilia I was always that person who tried to make everyone feel comfortable. I would eat lunch with the new person who was sitting by herself and try to find commonalities between people. Like a little social director, how annoying! But now I just want to go to work and come home. It has been really hard to leave in the mornings and during down times I find myself wishing I was home. The other night I almost woke Keith up to beg him to let me work from home again with promises that I would work specific hours and I wouldn't get crazy about how much work there was to do and I would take off every weekend and I wouldn't wake up at 4am anymore to work. But he has been so happy about this and I don't want to let him down. And I am not so sure I could keep those promises because the work is always here and I am compelled to get it done even though I know the hours I keep to do it are unhealthy. But I miss being home. I miss my babies. I miss not having to talk to people. I miss my alone time. I miss all the things I thought I wanted to have by working away from the house. Does that even make sense?