The Doubt Comes Marching In...

Keith, Cecilia, and I went to see the school on Monday. It was everything we hoped for and then again it wasn’t. The fact that the school didn’t measure up is not the fault of the school or the faculty the blame completely lies on me. Inside my head lives the ideal school I would send my children to. It has the perfect combination of discipline and disorder. It would allow children to be children yet foster the desire to “grow up” but not be “grown up.” There, Cecilia, and eventually Sophia, would be in an environment where she could be herself and learn all the necessary things required for life. In my head, the parents would be involved but not too involved. They would be friendly but not cliquy and we would all have our “place” within the school dynamic. It’s a lovely place in my head, really. I am, however, rooted in reality (at least about this) and I know that school doesn’t actually exist. Not to say there aren’t good schools out there but when trying to decide if I am going to uproot Cecilia from all that is familiar and comfortable the school has to be better than good. So these are the questions I am dealing with now:

Will the change be too much for Cecilia to handle?
Will she be too far behind and unable to catch up with the other kids?
Do I really want to trap Sophia in the car for a total of two hours a day trekking back and forth from the school when Cecilia’s current school is right down the block?
Is the problem I have with Cecilia’s progress the school’s fault or mine and Keith’s for not working more often with her as far as practicing her writing, etc?
Am I being too critical because of my personal feelings about the other parents and the director?
Will changing schools accomplish what we hope with her academic progress as well as her attitude?
If we change schools and she can’t catch up and doesn’t adjust well, what do we do then?

Keith and I have decided not to make any final decisions until we get Cecilia’s evaluation from her present school next week. Until then I guess I will just keep stressing. Having to be responsible for another human being really sucks sometimes.